I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
