I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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