Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
