You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
