Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
