Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
