i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
