Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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