Im at strip club and am horny
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
