Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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