haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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