While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
