the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
NoShamevember. You game?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
