I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
