Where is the hickey?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
