Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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