bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
