don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
