my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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