it hurts more in the daytime
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
