Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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