he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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