You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
