Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
