smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
