Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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