you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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