It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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