My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
