Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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