you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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