I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i believe in u and ur pee
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
