so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
