my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
jump out the window naked night went bad
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