it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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