Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
