i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
