my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
