just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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