I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
