Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
