i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
