I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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