like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
