I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
