$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
