if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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