Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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