i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
