I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
