you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
