kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
