Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
