We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
