we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
