If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
