It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
