so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
