I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
