Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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