YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
