I wish I could punch you in the face.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
