On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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