If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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