I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
