At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
