you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
