Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
