Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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