i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
