I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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