when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
