Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
