I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
