Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
