an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
